Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
