I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
