You made me cry and you don't even care
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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