Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
