Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
