1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
