we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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