i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
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The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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