a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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