remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
