And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize