fuck your aforementioned shoe
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
