dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
