they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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