i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
