i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
