I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
