i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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