i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
