Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think people are normalizing furries
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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