but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
