the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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