Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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