if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So squirting runs in the family.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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