i already hear my dad disowning me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
