I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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