There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
