She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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