Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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