i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
