i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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