I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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