the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
