I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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