just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
