walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
