I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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