ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
