i think i have two assholes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
