Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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