Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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