Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize