I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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