i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
