they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there