I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
