I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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