when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
