Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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