im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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