She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
