That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
