Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
