it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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