my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I look better un-naked...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
