Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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