hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
