she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
