Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
