so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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