FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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