Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
