Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
