Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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