yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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