I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
